ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
