Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
