there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
