my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
