Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
