You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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