do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
