She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
