Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
