your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
