no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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