i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And then he peed in my hair
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