do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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