This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
