that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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