My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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