I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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