Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
