i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
