I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
