I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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