if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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