Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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