You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
