Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
