spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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