If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
