"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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