Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
love makes seman taste better
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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