I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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