OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
