You smell like stripper and shame
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
