i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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