dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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