I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
