bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
