It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
