So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
