These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
