I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
