So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
