If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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