Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
