I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
