So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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