I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
operation have a gay friend backfired
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
