I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
