Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
