Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
