Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
