It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
