You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
