You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
