Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
