i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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