I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
