I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
