Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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