my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
