the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
