We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
