I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
