girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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