dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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