ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
