my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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