I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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