She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize