there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
