I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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