I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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