Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i will never coherently bang her
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
