dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
